What Happens At Shadow's House
by Shadowed Nightwings
Summary: What happens when Anonymous/PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw and I kidnap Emmett, Bella, Edward, Fang, Max, and Angel? Utter chaos! Maximum Ride/Twilight crossover with hints of Harry Potter and monkeys.
1. Chapter 1

**WHAT HAPPENS IN SHADOW'S HOUSE STAYS IN SHADOW'S HOUSE**

**Shadow**: Hey, everyone! We're typing to you live from Shadow's house! So this is what happens when obsessed fans kidnap Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Maximum Ride, Fang, and Angel.

**Anonymous**: MAH, MAH, MA – hey the camera's rolling?

**Shadow**: No, but I'm typing.

**Anonymous**: Oh. Well…. Wait! I wanted my name to be PyschoMonkeyWithAChainsaw!!!

**Shadow**: Well, you don't have an account on FanFiction, so you don't have a name right now! And you are at my mercy! Mua ha ha!

**Edward**: What's going on? How did I get here? Why am I hearing thoughts of bananas, chainsaws, and cake?

**Shadow**: *Looks at anonymous*

**Anonymous**: I told you I wanted my name to be PyschoMonkeyWithAChainsaw! And I wasn't thinking about cake!

**Angel**: Yes you were.

**Anonymous**: Who's idea was it to invite two mind-readers?!?! And I want my name to be PyschoMonkeyWithAChainsaw!!!!!!!!!

**Shadow**: It was your idea, and that's too long to type!

**Edward**: I'm reading Angel's mind, and she's reading my mind, and I'm thinking about reading her mind, and she's thinking about reading my mind and…..

**Angel**: Ahhh! Stop!

**Max**: Hey, you! Sparkly guy! Stop hurting Angel!

**Emmett**: Hey, feisty! I like feisty!

**Fang**: Stay away from my girl! *Punches Emmett* OWW! Are you made of stone or something? You broke my hand!

**Emmett**: Well, yeah, technically. I am.

**Bella**: Emmett, I thought you were with Rosalie!

**Shadow**: *To anonymous* Do you have the popcorn?

**Anonymous**: Yep. *They both sit down on conveniently located movie chairs and begin eating popcorn*

**Emmett**: So? She doesn't have wings!

**Max**: Stay away from me, you sexist- pig! *Punches Emmett* OWW! My hand!

**Angel**: I'm reading his mind, and he's reading my mind, and I'm reading his mind…

**Anonymous**: Where'd Fang go?

**Shadow**: I think he's invisible.

**Anonymous**: He can turn invisible?! Why wasn't I told this?!

**Fang**: Because I don't go around telling random creeps who just kidnapped me all my secrets.

**Max**: Hey, you spoke more than two words! Are you a clone?

**Fang**: No. *They have one of those freaky conversations without saying anything*

**Max**: Oh. Ok!

**Emmett**: So. You doing anything tonight?

**Max**: That is the worst pick up line ever!

**Fang**: Hey! I said stay away from my girl! *Punches Emmett again* OWW! My other hand!

**Shadow**: These people never learn.

**Anonymous**: Learn what? *Punches Emmett* OWW! My hand!

*Edward and Bella start making out*

**Everyone**: Get a room!

**Angel**: *Reading Edward's mind* Max, what's sex?

**Max**: What??!!?! Don't read his mind, Angel! *Punches Edward* OWW!

**Shadow**: That's all for now folks!

**Anonymous**: Will Edward and Bella stop making out? Will my name ever be PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw? Will the Flock learn to not punch Vampires? Will Emmett get a date with Max? Well, you're never going to find out! So get an imagination and make up your own ending!

**Shadow: So, anonymous and I-**

**Anonymous: It's PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw!**

**Shadow: Just did this for fun. Hope you like it! If anyone has ideas about how this ends, you can send them to me in a review! Or you can just review! **

**Anonymous: It's PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw!!!!**


	2. Apparating, Blood and Possibly Escape

_**What Happens At Shadow's House…**_

_**Part 2:**_

_**Apparating, Blood… and Possibly Escape**_

**Shadowed Nightwings**: Hey, everyone!

**PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw**: Guess what? I finally got an account on FanFiction! And, I got to choose my name! Guess what it is!

**Shadow**: Considering the fact that it says it right before your line, I think they know that it's PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw.

**Psycho**: Well… poo you!

**Shadow**: Anyways, we got a few reviews asking us to continue this story.

**Psycho**: Actually, it was only one review.

**Shadow**: Whatever. We're bored, and have nothing to do.

**Psycho**: So, to amuse ourselves, we've kept Max, Fang, Angel, Edward, Bella, and Emmett in captivity, with minimum food for the Flock, and only one deer for the vampires. Things are going to get dicey!

**Shadow**: Wait, you didn't feed the vampires?! We're the only humans here; they'll kill us! And anyways, not feeding the Flock isn't a good thing either. It's how you killed your pet fish in first grade.

**Psycho**: Swimmy!!!!!! *starts crying pathetically*

**Emmett**: I smell tears! Who wants a bear hug?

**Psycho**: Sorry, Emmett. I'm squishable.

**Max**: Hey, I thought you were trying to flirt with me! *punches Emmett* Ow!! My newly repaired hand!!!

*POP*

**Harry Potter**: Whoa, this isn't the Leaky Cauldron! Where am I?

**Psycho**: OH MY GOD!!! IT'S HARRY POTTER!!! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!!

**Edward**: Hey, I thought you were _my_ biggest fan!! And who is he, anyways?

**Psycho**: I was, but Edward, he can do magic. You're just sparkly.

**Shadow**: Wait. We didn't even write Harry Potter into this story! How'd he get here?

**Harry Potter**: I think I just failed my Apparation test.

**Psycho**: While you're here, can I get your autograph?

**Edward**: You never asked me for my autograph!

**Psycho**: Yes, but we wrote you here. He popped in out of thin air! There's really no competition.

**Shadow**: Ok, people! Let's get back to the plot line!

**Psycho**: We have a plot line? I thought we were just saying random stuff.

**Shadow**: Shhh! Don't tell them that!

**Psycho**: I just did.

**Shadow**: Whatever. You *points to Harry Potter*, Get out of here. You're not in this story.

**Harry**: I'm out of here! You're all psycho.

**Psycho**: Actually, I'm Psycho. PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw. But my friends call me Psycho. So, call me Psycho.

**Harry**: Yeah…

*POP*

**Psycho**: Harry! Wait! I thought we had a real connection!

*POP*

**Harry**: Not likely.

*POP*

**Angel**: How come Fang and I have been ignored this whole story?

**Fang**: Don't bring me into this. I'm not complaining.

**Bella**: Hey, I've been ignored, too!

**Edward**: Not by me. *Edward and Bella start making out. Passionately*

**Everyone**: Eww!

**Angel**: My mind! It's been permanently scarred!

**Max**: Angel, honey, I told you not to read his mind! He's a teenage boy; he thinks evil thoughts!

**Edward**: Actually, I'm 104.

**Fang**: Can you say pedophile?

**Bella**: *Steps away from Edward*

**Psycho**: And to think I wanted to kiss you! Just another reason to like Harry more!

**Shadow**: Hey, let's break this up, people! Everyone sit back down!

**Bella**: But there aren't any chairs…

**Psycho**: *tries to sit down in a nonexistent chair, and falls down*

**Everyone**: HAHA!!

**Psycho**: It's not nice to gang up on people that are smaller and weaker than you!

**Angel**: Did she just insult herself?

**Max**: Yes, dear. She's what you would call retarded.

**Psycho**: Actually, people call me Psycho. *starts to get up, and trips*

**Everyone**: HAHA!!

**Psycho**: Ouch, I gave myself a paper cut without any paper. That takes skill!

**Edward**: I smell blood!

**Shadow**: Oh boy.

**Fang**: It's not that big of a deal; it's just a little blood!

**Shadow**: Yeah. They drink blood. That's kind of the point of being a vampire, in case you didn't get that memo.

**Max**: Actually, we didn't. You know, because we were kidnapped and forced here against our will?

**Shadow**: Yeah…

**Psycho**: RUN!!

**Shadow**: You can't outrun vampires!

**Psycho**: Yes, but we can out-Apparate them! HARRY!!

*POP*

**Harry Potter**: Oh, fine! *Grabs Shadow and Psycho*

*POP*

**Edward**: NOO!!!!! The blood is gone!!!!!

**Bella**: Stop being so emo.

**Edward**: Bella, the love of my life – existence – for you, I will do anything! I will walk through fire for you! For you, I would –

**Angel**: No, you wouldn't!

**Edward**: You're ruining my romantic monologue!

**Bella**: If that's your idea of a romantic monologue, then we're through!

**Edward**: So… you're dumping me?

**Bella**: Yep.

**Emmett**: So… you're available?

**Edward**: Emmett, are you flirting with my girlfriend?

**Bella**: Your ex-girlfriend.

**Emmett**: Any time you're lonely, or need a break from my loser of a brother, you know who to call.

**Fang**: Well… this is awkward….

**Max**: She actually doesn't need to call you. We're locked in this room.

**Angel**: Hey guys, we're actually not locked in this room. They left the key behind when they Apparated away.

**Fang**: Should we be insulted that a 6 year old was the first one to realize this?

**Angel**: Yep.

*Everyone rushes for the door*

*Shadow and Psycho watch from a mysterious cloud that randomly appeared above the room*

**Shadow**: Will our favorite fictional character's epic escape succeed? Or will it fail miserably? Tune in for our next episode of _What Happens At Shadow's House_ next Friday night, at 6:00!

**Psycho**: Or whenever we decide to write the next chapter! Either way, stay tuned!

**Shadowed Nightwing's Author's Note: So… as you can see, we decided to do a second chapter. Whether or not we do a third chapter is up to you! If we get at least 5 reviews, we'll write another chapter. If not…. I hope you love a good cliffhanger!**

**PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw's Author's Note: I actually did get an account! Look up my stories!**

**Shadowed Nightwing's Author's Note Continued: Is that a plug for your stories?**

**PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw's Author's Note Continued: Maybe!!**

**Shadowed Nightwing's Author's Note Continued: *rolls eyes* Anyway, tell us what you think about Harry Potter appearing, and any comments, questions, or concerns! **


	3. The Not So Great Escape

_**What Happens at Shadow's House…**_

_**Part 3:**_

_**The (not so) Great Escape**_

**PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw**: Ladies and Gentlemen, Bird-People and Vampires, welcome to the hit FanFic of the decade, _What Happens at Shadow's House_!

**Shadowed Nightwings**: Hey, wait a minute, this isn't a hit FanFic?

**Pyscho**: Shhh! Don't tell them that!

**Shadow**: I just did.

**Psycho**: Anyways… Harry Potter was nice enough to give us this little cloud we're sitting on to watch the hilarity of Emmett, Edward, Bella, Angel, Fang, and Max try to escape.

**Shadow**: Keyword being try. We know they won't really escape. My house is far bigger than they could ever imagine!

**Psycho**: So that's why I got lost on the way to the bathroom!

**Shadow**: So now back to The Great Escape!

**Psycho**: I like that title!

**Shadow**: Shhhh……!

**Emmett**: Let me open the door for you two gorgeous ladies!

**Angel**: Hey!

**Emmett**: Shut up pipsqueak!

**Max**: Don't tell Angel to shut up! And don't call her a pipsqueak! (punches Emmett) OWWW!!!! My hand!!!

*Fang tries to walk out the door*

**Emmett**: You're not a lady! *Punches Fang* Ow!! My hand!!

*Everyone looks at Emmett*

**Emmett**: What? I'm just following the trend!

**Bella**: The trend of punching people and saying "Ow! My hand!?"

*Everyone considers that statement for a moment, then punches someone else*

**Everyone (except Angel)**: Ow! My hand!

**Angel**: Guys! Can we just escape before they come back?!

**Edward**: I dunno. This is pretty fun. *Punches Bella* Ow! My hand!

**Bella**: Edward! You're not supposed to punch me!

**Edward**: Sorry!

**Angel**: First of all, no, you're not. And second of all, Escape. Now. Or Else.

*Angel gives them Max's Death Glare*

*Everyone rushes for the door*

**Shadow**: *Clicks stopwatch* It took them exactly… 4 minutes and 37.46 seconds to stop arguing and escape. That's shorter than I thought it would be.

**Psycho**: *In a fortune-teller-y voice* Ah, but you overestimate the power of their stupidity!

**Shadow**: I don't think I do. Stupidity is fairly powerful, and they have a lot of it.

**Psycho**: Yes, but they have Angel to keep them in line; she is the only sane one.

Shadow: That's a problem we have to take care of…. *Thinks dramatically* I have a plan! *Whispers in Psycho's ear like they do in the movies*

**Psycho**: I have no idea what you just said!

**Shadow**: You didn't have to, it was just supposed to be dramatic!

**Psycho**: I'm never playing telephone with you!

**Shadow**: *rolls eyes* Lets get back to the main ring of all the crazy people… except for the one sitting next to me!

**Psycho**: Hey, I'm not crazy, I'm psycho! There's a difference!

**Shadow**: Yeah… just like there's a difference between Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus.

**Psycho**: Exactly! They're two different people!

**Shadow**: *Rolls eyes* Back to the show.

**Bella**: How is it snowing? We just went into a different room!

**Fang**: NO!! It's snow! Now my black clothing doesn't fade into the background!! I'M MELTING, I'M MELTING….!

**Angel**: It's snowing, not raining lava! You're fine. Now that we're outside, we can fly away!

**Max**: Up and away!

*the Flock flies straight up, but after a second Angel stops*

**Angel**: Hey guys, there's a …

*Max and Fang fly into an invisible wall*

**Angel**: …clear wall above you.

**Both**: Ow! My head!

*Edward, Bella, and Emmett exchange looks, shrug, jump up to hit the barrier, and fall back down*

**All**: Ow! My head!

Angel: Ugh….!

**Shadow**: Yes, that's right, I have a small enclosure in the middle of my house with a snow machine. Now, it's time to set my plan into action!

*Holds out a cell phone and dials number*

**Psycho**: Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters?

**Shadow**: *rolls eyes* Hello? Is this Weasley's Wizard Wheezes? *Pauses* Yes, I would like to order one bottle Psycho Serum.

**Psycho**: Is it for me!?! It has my name on it!?!

**Shadow**: *Glares* Be quiet. It's for Angel. It's to make her crazy, which will make the story funnier. *Picks up phone again* Yes? *Pauses and smiles evilly* Excellent. Goodbye.

*Random wizard apparates onto cloud*

**Random Wizard**: Hello? I have a delivery for Miss. Shadowed Nightwings.

**Shadow**: That's me!

**Random Wizard**: I need you to sign here…

*Shadow signs and takes a small green bottle*

**Shadow**: Thank you!

*Wizard disappears*

**Shadow**: Wonderful! Now our only problem is how to give her the potion….

**Psycho**: Oooh, a potion! It's shiny!

*Grabs the bottle and drinks half*

**Shadow**: No! You weren't supposed to drink that! It was for Angel! And you're already crazy enough!

**Psycho**: *smacks lips* Yum! It tastes minty!

**Shadow**: How do you feel?

**Psycho**: *blinks* I feel perfectly fine. *Looks down* How are we standing on a cloud? It should be impossible, because clouds are made of a mixture of condensed water particles and air, held together by electrical charges.

**Shadow**: *Takes bottle and reads instructions aloud* Caution: Do not give to a person who is already crazy. Two doses of psycho, like a double negative, cancel each other out. One dose wears of after a period of 2 to 3 hours, depending on dosage and height of person in question. *Stops reading* Well, at least now I have another sane person to help me with my evil scheme.

**Psycho**: Will Emmett ever take anyone on a date? Will Shadow's evil scheme work? Will I ever become psycho again? Will we ever stop asking rhetorical questions? *shakes Magic 8 Ball and reads answer* Not likely.

**Shadowed Nightwings's Author's Note: This chapter was inspired by the snow (In Georgia!!), and the snow day. (No school!). Despite the fact that there's less than an inch of snow, some of the roads are icy, so we have no school! **

**PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw's Author's Note: NO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Shadowed Nightwings's Author's Note Continued: They get the point. Anyway, we were able to do this because we didn't have school, so thank the snow gods for this chapter! (or you can thank the snow ritual which most of my friends did last night- sleep with your pajamas inside-out and a spoon under your pillow.)**

**PsychoMonkeyWithAChainsaw's Author's Note Continued: So, we got at least 5 reviews on the last chapter! Thanks to everyone who reviewed. And everyone who read our story without reviewing… I hope that the snow gods never honor you're wishes! For this chapter, we are raising the number of reviews by…1! Now we want at least 6 reviews.**

**Shadowed Nightwings's Author's Note Continued: Also, the best reviewer will be featured in the next chapter! So, make you're reviews interesting, funny, and reverent of our awesome writing abilities! SO REVIEW! **


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